What (type's) defense mechanism is this? Pseudo arguments to avoid owning up to one's mistakes + some ppl seeing it as valid cuz "cause => effect"

2022.01.29 10:27 External-Reserve-440 What (type's) defense mechanism is this? Pseudo arguments to avoid owning up to one's mistakes + some ppl seeing it as valid cuz "cause => effect"

Is this a type thing? I noticed that some ppl tend to use arguments that appear to be "logical" (from my PoV) but you totally know it's bullshit in the given context. Is there some sort of a defensive technique in action?
Example - our teacher is kinda uh... free-spirited (a kinda unhealthy 7SO or 2, I'm guessing - tries to make things "fun" but for totally wrong reasons (I suspect she wants to be liked/popula"helpful" lol), spends the class time socializing with us and complaining about her problems more than teaching, "fun"...) and only posted homework in a FB group (so obviously it gets lost). Literally every other teacher sends us hw on email. But when challenged with this, she indirectly implied that "it's the students' fault if not everybody is in the group or not actively watching it, it's us who are irresponsible/disinterested, not her". We also had an extra class that nobody notified us about (in any system), only the ppl who were present that day in the class knew about it. So I was told that it's "my fault for not getting informed from my classmates" (I don't socialize with them, so gl). (This is a big deal for me cuz the term was closing, and I missed important stuff, but more importantly, I was mainly hardcore mad about how unfair this entire thing was. Always gets my blood boiling.)
I don't know how to put it into words... In a way the "if, then" makes sense to me (which is probably my own bias = if there exists a way, I should've taken it, or I should've magically known something), yet I know something's wrong with this line of reasoning.
Same thing with another teacher - he argued that "I should've known this (part of unsaid instructions) to be expected from him, cuz I could've deduced it" (when I missed some details - I tend to overlook them, and I find it tiring when people are unclear about what they want, cuz then I need to expend my energy on questioning them (which they apparently find annoying cuz "uuuh common sense blah blah"), but you can easily tell from their style of expression that they still want you to know what they want).
I'm just kinda getting annoyed having to constantly play along people's subjective rules/game and of compensating for their weaknesses when they can't do the same, and having to adjust to their line of perception and unsaid expectations - which is not that hard for me in fact, but I feel like there's something seriously wrong with being expected to do that. I feel like people bullshit me with pseudo arguments that use emotions to make you feel bad, to make them avoid owning up to their faults at all cost.
I had this kind of scenarios at home as a kid too - if my parent accidentally dropped an item while I tried to talk to her, she would snap that it's my fault because I disturbed her. / Or when I missed taking on my own opportunity cuz I got sick, it was also my fault cuz "I should've expected (the worst to happen) and thus should've avoided doing anything that would produce any negative events". / Getting into a situation where I got treated unfairly as a kid? Oh wait for it, also my fault. / Basically, every time I did something and it didn't have a positive outcome, I got blamed. Everything could've been traced to something in the past that I should've done differently or into an action I should've (not) taken, because based of that line of reasoning, "if you don't ever do anything, can't ever fail".
So perhaps because of growing up in such an environment, I maybe got in a way conditioned to feel guilty - for how people feel about my failure/actions lol? idk - and responsible for effects that are either other people's fault or unpredictable (ex., knowing that the worst could happen). I feel like something's seriously wrong with this. It also shows in my (non)judgement - I don't blame people for things like that, and according to my friends I'm quite forgiving/understanding.
Yet the arguments that such ppl make makes a sense in my head, cuz "cause => effect". I don't even know how to defend myself against it (internally). Externally, my second line of defense is calling people out (if I can put their bs into words soon enough... gl lol), but it triggers people when you fend for yourself / go against them and then it reflects in how they further treat you, so for tactical reasons I might prefer to keep quiet and not create unnecessary obstacles/enemies.
Can someone point out to me the biases happening on both sides? The defense mechanisms in action?
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These amounts haven't changed and are constantly the same on both devices, any idea which one is accurate?
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I also speak english quite fluently, but my goal is to improve italian !
We could do mixed-language messages (i send in french or english and you text back in italian)
Hit DM if you're interested !
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